My Spiritual Experiences For Every Level of Prayer (Private Revelation)
VERBAL PRAYER - 1ST LEVEL
This level of prayer consists of the prayers said, Mass attended, stations walked and scriptures read.
I learned the basic prayers when I was in Grade II and the Rosary as a Junior Legionary when I was in Grade IV I joined the barangay Rosary here in Sta. Elena, Virac when I was in High School.
I attended Holy Mass once a week only during Sundays and holy days of obligation when I was young unlike in the later part of my married life, I have to attend daily Mass.
My prayers before were simple. I never had to ask for material goods even up to the present because I was contented of the little I had. It is up to the Lord what to send me and I have to praise and thank Him for the daily blessings and graces given me. I never questioned God every time I was hurt and in pain. The scoldings almost every day of my mother I had to bear in silence though I haven't wronged her and this increased my patience. I always accepted what God sent me and what He wanted me to be. I had to follow His commandments. Bearing the hurts and pain is a prayer itself coming from my heart without resentment, ill-feelings, revenge, self-pity; and other negative feelings. In these moments I could feel the Divine touch consoling me and filling me with love. I always opened my eyes, mind and heart to see the goodness in others instead of their faults. Understanding people was so deep in me and I could easily forgive those who had done wrong to me.
In my college days, I started searching for God. I joined the Student Catholic Action. When I was in 4th year, I felt so very sad in the three consecutive Sunday Masses I attended. I asked God the real meaning of the Mass, I had the intense longing of God's real presence. On the 4th week I was put in a married state without planning for it. I never thought of marrying because I didn't accept any of my suitors to be my boyfriend and how much more to be my fiance'. And there I got a husband who was a rejected suitor of mine. The incident was so sudden and I had to choose which path to trod. I had to make a decision - to sue my husband for abduction or do deny myself and accept my fate. I was enlightened that it was really God's plan. I had to say yes to His will. I was not mistaken in my choice. By doing so I was able to embrace the cross of Jesus. I never thought that the reason of my sadness in the three Sunday Masses I attended had a meaning that I was going to start to carry a heavier cross on the following week.
In my married, God taught me to love an enemy in the person of my husband. He did everything to win my heart and because I accepted him it was not hard for me to submit as a wife. It was my obligation to do so because we were married in the church.
In 1984, I was prompted to read the New Testament on the teachings of Jesus about the law, anger, adultery, divorce, vows, revenge, charity, prayer and fasting.
In 1987 I joined the Teachers Encounter. My reason for joining was to grow spiritually and to keep in touch with Jesus in a unique way. In the quieting down exercise, I was fully alive and aware of everything transpiring. In our individual prayer activity, I felt so intense and could hardly put my prayer into writing which ran this way...
"Jesus You are my inspiration. I
want You to be the center of my
life and please guide me to it. Place
those necessary near me and drive
hindrances away. Help me what to
do to realize what I am aspiring
for. I was so happy being loved
and cared also for discovering
myself. Thanks for dispersing my
fears away and the solution was
here found in the encounter.
Let me grow in your love and care".
We were too young to face a new kind of life. I was 19 that time and my husband was 21. I was prompted to pray daily, only simple ones in our adjustment period. I had nobody to turn to for our daily needs. When we were in pain, trouble, sickness and other problems but to no other than our Blessed Mother, so I started to pray the Perpetual Help Novena.
In our third year stay in Manila, I prayed that my husband would allow us to transfer in my hometown, Virac and it was realized in the year 1970. I started to pray the monthly Triduum to St. Joseph besides the Perpetual Help Novena and the Lord of Pardon.
For every decision I would take and anything I wished for, I always consulted the Blessed Mother, I never dared to go directly to Jesus because I felt I was nobody in His sight and at times I thought, "Who am I to be listened to by the Most High?"
After joining the Teachers Encounter, I started to write my self-made prayers. I listed down the graces to ask in my visit to the Blessed Sacrament. Now I realized that the more humble and childlike with a heart of love and adoration, the more powerful were my prayers.
I devoted my extra time in spiritual reading. I ought to learn more about Jesus and Mary. I listed down my joys and blessings daily or weekly which served also as my added prayers.
In 1988 while saying the Rosary, I was prompted to write a spiritual diary consisting the spiritual exercises or prayers I could do daily.
After the traumatic experience I had last July 03,1988. I started to make my first small prayer book consisting of the beautiful prayers I collected while I was on leave in my teaching service.
I offered daily devotion and Chaplet to the Divine Mercy to all sinners especially to my husband while he was still alive for almost one year stay in Baguio City with my children.
In 1989 I wrote collection of Prayers for every part of the Holy Mass. I was inspired by the Holy Spirit to make it. (3 days before my husband's death) I used the prayers for the Holy Mass for the first time on the very day of his death, unknowingly. Me and my children were not able to see his remains. What I asked God 24 years ago about the meaning of the Holy Mass was summarized by writing the Book of Prayers for the Mass. The Holy Mass is the very life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ being reenacted. In my case the Paschal Mystery happened also in my life in imitation to Jesus Christ by giving my yes to the will of the Father and not my will in married life. I carried all my crosses victoriously up to Calvary, denied myself and despised the world until I felt death in me. Then I was born-again in the spirit, living the life of Jesus at its full and let it over flow to others and this is Resurrection being a new creation.
I was guided by the Holy Spirit to write the collection of prayers I had in a notebook. In 1988, I wrote my first prayer book then followed by the prayer book for the Holy Mass in 1989. The third in 1991, the fourth in 1993, the fifth in 1996, the sixth in 1998 and in 1999 my latest prayer book with additional collection of prayers.
I had done all of these before I came across the readings on Verbal Prayer that we should take a small prayer book and tape pictures or prayers to the pages then speak to God with the beautiful prayers collected.
I had touched up the meaning of verbal prayer which I mentioned in my testimony the basic prayers, the Rosary, the novena to our Lady of Perpetual Help, Triduum to St. Joseph, The Lord of Pardon, Chaplet of Divine Mercy and all the prayers I collected since 1988 up to the present.
I had mentioned also about the Holy Masses I attended, the Scriptures read and now to mention the stations I walked. I joined the way of the cross, when I was young during the Holy week The crosses I had carried were the real stations walked in the real life situations I had portrayed. In my present life, I am observing a 40-day stations of the cross from Ash Wednesday up to Palm Sunday re-enacting the 40 years I had carried the cross in my life, my journey, the Exodus leaving the land of death and I am walking now in the new life.
The quietude, the thoughtfulness, the earnestness is attention in prayer! This is what Heaven wants and the kind of prayer listened to.
He who welcomes me, welcomes the One who chose me.
Written: 08/23/00; Shared 08/24 & 08/26/00
MEDITATION -2ND LEVEL
MEDITATION is the thinking part of prayer. It is more than just thinking, asking and listening.
I would like to present to you, some meditations in the different situations in my life. When I was young I didn't know what meditation is but unconsciously I was doing it. I was talking to God in my mind without knowing it because I did not address directly to Him. There was something joining in my thoughts. Reading spiritual books made me grow spiritually. I started to talk to the Blessed Mother as if she was physically present. Whenever I was alone, I always asked her to guide me what to do. When Mother Mary presented me to her Son after molding me to imitate Him, the Lord Jesus became the center of my life. I would not cease to honor the Blessed Virgin and to give her thanks, or the marvelous things that were happening to me. My loving Spiritual Mother is the secret of my life.
Maybe you will wonder why I have to share with you my love story. It is because in this way I could show you how I lived the teachings of Christ contained in the Gospel. After my husband's death, I was lead to another, marriage, which was a unique one, a spiritual marriage which I will discuss when we will touch up the mystical level of prayer. This Spiritual marriage would not happen if my crosses were not triumphant and glorious which purified my soul until I had reached spiritual perfection because of the perfect love I am now experiencing.
To begin with the meditations I had, I will start my story when I was at the age of five, the beginning age of reason.
Every time I was hurt or in pain, I always remember what an old woman told me in Pandan when I was five that Jesus, Mary and Joseph could help me if I call on them and I must think of them everyday.
When I was in Grade III I was afraid to tell my parents that there was protruding under my tongue which looked like a small tongue. I recalled on what the old woman told me while I was thinking about it, I could feel that I had that trust and confidence that I would be relieved if I pray (1) Our Father, (1) Hail Mary and (1) Glory Be for 3 days. Really on the 3rd day it was gone.
At the age of 10 I saw a woman on the family way. I told myself I couldn't bear a childbirth pain or any operation I would undergo. Then I remembered that someone up there would take care. Why should I fear when mostly married women delivered their children safely?
When I was in Grave V, I had my first menstruation. My mother upon knowing it scolded me instead of explaining to me. I went to my bedroom and did some thinking. I asked in my mind. "Why was my mother so angry?" Then the answer was flowing in my mind that my mother was afraid because I reached the early stage of womanhood and I should be extra careful. I could feel that someone was consoling me and then I recalled our lesson in Home Economics on what to do.
When I was in high school it was but natural to have admirers. Two of my classmates and one from another section courted me thru letters but I never responded. Then I recalled my mother's anger in my first menstruation. She was so angry that time. How much more if I would commit myself to somebody? Something in me was disciplining myself and guided me to suppress my feelings because I was too young.
When I reached college in Manila at the age of 16, I told myself not to answer any of my suitors until I would graduate. I did not take my vacation from first year to third year so I won't be exposed and have a problem that somebody would court me. In my college days, I had three suitors and I did not mind them. The more I avoided the more I was led to a situation I did not know how to handle. My plan was not fulfilled because I got married. I followed God's plan, not mine. I had never experienced having a boyfriend but a husband instead.
When I was abducted by my husband, we were civilly married after five days and we were married in the church after ten days.
We lived in one roof but not as a husband and wife should be. He couldn't dare to touch my virginity because he felt so guilty, troubled and so ashamed of what he did to me whenever I cry and uttered no words against him. He respected my body. This lasted for almost three months, when I felt a dictation in my mind that I should fully submit as a wife and love one another because we were married twice and we should act as husband and wife in the eyes of God and men. And then the dictation went on convincing me not to waste time so we could become parents while still young. Then I pondered carefully until agreed with the idea I had to accept because I could not return back what had happened. Then two months later I conceived my first baby.
God taught me to bow down to His will and to love an enemy. My husband's respect, patience, love and concern touched my heart which made me admire him at the start and as time passed by our feelings became mutual.
By giving my yes to God's will made me stronger. I never felt afraid of what kind of future was stored for me. I had that trust and confidence that I could carry on. When I was in the delivery room, I felt no fear of childbirth pain or any operation I would undertake. The joy flooding my soul was the only thing I felt for I was going to have a baby which would be a proof to my yes to the Father.
My husband was so good to me. The only thing that marred our relationship was his weakness in combating evil forces. He started to search for happiness in a wrong way, be being so much involved in worldly pleasures especially women. The feeling of guilt that haunted him, made him insecure. It was hurting his pride and put the blame in himself. I could read what was in his mind. To boost his ego he tried to philander he was not serious at first. He wanted to know if I would become jealous and ready to fight for my right as a wife. He was so dismayed because I did otherwise. How could that be if I tried my best to understand him, then I readily forgave him. Someone in my mind was consoling me that deep in my husband's heart, I was his true love. I reminded him that it was a grave sin to be involved with other women. I did not give consent to what he was doing and when he did not listen, I told him he was old enough to know what was right or wrong.
Through the years we lived together. I had a big heart to understand him and I was ever ready to forgive him. He told me it was the role given him to play in the world drama and he was so very sorry for worst things he had done. Then I asked him if he found happiness in the path he trodded and he vehemently said no.
Searching for happiness for me as the opposite way. I remained faithful to my husband. I accepted everything what were sent to me - a yes to God's will and I didn't nurture in my heart any negative feeling. I had to understand that all of us are sinners. I could feel that my heart was full of love, mercy and forgiveness resulting to peace of heart.
When my eldest daughter graduated in high school, my husband decided to look for another job in Manila. I had to face the consequence. God had a message for me to detach from my husband and focus my mind on heavenly things and not in worldly things. As long as my husband would send my children to college, I have nothing more to ask. I was left in my hometown, Virac together with my young children. I had that feeling of joy because I could do anything I wanted to in order to grow spiritually with nobody to disturb me.
The distance of my house in Capilihan to the town proper was a problem to me in doing apostolate work after school hours. So I asked the Blessed Mother if she would allow me to drive a motorbike for the reason that I could perform my job well as a mother, as a school teacher and as her handmaid. After three days I was inspired to go and to make a canvass and found myself buying one - three months payment good as cash.
Before the traumatic experience I had, when an intruder sneaked to my house at 4:00 am and hacked me with an axe and cut my palms with a knife, I was gathering people to share many things about the Blessed Mother, what I had read, learned and felt about her.
After the incident, I immediately forgave the intruder deep in my heart and beg for God's mercy to forgive him too because he was just an instrument of the evil ones.
I had stitches on my head and two palms, so I stayed with my mother and didn't return to my former residence. At first my mother was so good to me not until she found out that my husband was still communicating with me thru letters and was sending me goods. She told me that we had some things to be cleared up in the evening. Then I asked the Blessed Mother to guide me what to say. My mother asked me how my relationship with my husband was going on. I told her that we were in good terms only that he was physically absent. Then she convinced me to separate from my husband and she promised me to give full support to my family in order to survive. I told her politely that the teachings of Jesus were deeply rooted in me. I didn't want to displease the Lord by not following His teachings and disobeying his Commandments because I had that great fear in Him. Nobody could put as under what God has bound together. To my mother's dismay she ordered me to leave Virac together with my children and join my husband as soon as possible. I pleaded to my mother and we had to wait for few months more until my son would graduate in college and my palms were completely healed, but she ignored me and didn't give me a chance. I did not bear any resentment against her and self-pity, didn't envelop my being because I understood her situation. She was insecure and lonely for being a widow and she wanted a companion who was her really own. By understanding and forgiving my mother deep in my heart easily healed the hurt that pierced my soul.
I chose to narrow and thorny path and despised what the world promised me to give by not accepting my mother's offer. I chose poverty instead of riches, worldly honor and pleasure. I have lived a mortified life, I placed God first and above any of my loved ones because I followed Him until the end of the race which was Calvary and the reward was given to me because I accepted, loved and embraced the Cross. Yes, the Cross of my Salvation was awarded to me.
I had so many more meditations to touch up but because of time constraints, I deemed it wise to end my sharing until the next level of prayer.
Now you will agree with me that he secret of sanctity or path to holiness is knowing and following the will of God. The Blessed Mother played a very big role in my life. She was the one who taught and molded me to be a replica
of Her Son, Jesus my brother spouse. Meditation demands more personal, mental awareness putting oneself in a position of personal assessment. It is assessing how well one is living the holy life in imitation of Jesus and Mary and the Saints. It is more than asking and listening but living what one has learned. It is how one is taking care of the Soul, how one is following the Commandments, the virtues and God's law.
Written: 8/28/00 Shared 8/31/00 & 09/02/00
I would like to present to you, some meditations in the different situations in my life. When I was young I didn't know what meditation is but unconsciously I was doing it. I was talking to God in my mind without knowing it because I did not address directly to Him. There was something joining in my thoughts. Reading spiritual books made me grow spiritually. I started to talk to the Blessed Mother as if she was physically present. Whenever I was alone, I always asked her to guide me what to do. When Mother Mary presented me to her Son after molding me to imitate Him, the Lord Jesus became the center of my life. I would not cease to honor the Blessed Virgin and to give her thanks, or the marvelous things that were happening to me. My loving Spiritual Mother is the secret of my life.
Maybe you will wonder why I have to share with you my love story. It is because in this way I could show you how I lived the teachings of Christ contained in the Gospel. After my husband's death, I was lead to another, marriage, which was a unique one, a spiritual marriage which I will discuss when we will touch up the mystical level of prayer. This Spiritual marriage would not happen if my crosses were not triumphant and glorious which purified my soul until I had reached spiritual perfection because of the perfect love I am now experiencing.
To begin with the meditations I had, I will start my story when I was at the age of five, the beginning age of reason.
Every time I was hurt or in pain, I always remember what an old woman told me in Pandan when I was five that Jesus, Mary and Joseph could help me if I call on them and I must think of them everyday.
When I was in Grade III I was afraid to tell my parents that there was protruding under my tongue which looked like a small tongue. I recalled on what the old woman told me while I was thinking about it, I could feel that I had that trust and confidence that I would be relieved if I pray (1) Our Father, (1) Hail Mary and (1) Glory Be for 3 days. Really on the 3rd day it was gone.
At the age of 10 I saw a woman on the family way. I told myself I couldn't bear a childbirth pain or any operation I would undergo. Then I remembered that someone up there would take care. Why should I fear when mostly married women delivered their children safely?
When I was in Grave V, I had my first menstruation. My mother upon knowing it scolded me instead of explaining to me. I went to my bedroom and did some thinking. I asked in my mind. "Why was my mother so angry?" Then the answer was flowing in my mind that my mother was afraid because I reached the early stage of womanhood and I should be extra careful. I could feel that someone was consoling me and then I recalled our lesson in Home Economics on what to do.
When I was in high school it was but natural to have admirers. Two of my classmates and one from another section courted me thru letters but I never responded. Then I recalled my mother's anger in my first menstruation. She was so angry that time. How much more if I would commit myself to somebody? Something in me was disciplining myself and guided me to suppress my feelings because I was too young.
When I reached college in Manila at the age of 16, I told myself not to answer any of my suitors until I would graduate. I did not take my vacation from first year to third year so I won't be exposed and have a problem that somebody would court me. In my college days, I had three suitors and I did not mind them. The more I avoided the more I was led to a situation I did not know how to handle. My plan was not fulfilled because I got married. I followed God's plan, not mine. I had never experienced having a boyfriend but a husband instead.
When I was abducted by my husband, we were civilly married after five days and we were married in the church after ten days.
We lived in one roof but not as a husband and wife should be. He couldn't dare to touch my virginity because he felt so guilty, troubled and so ashamed of what he did to me whenever I cry and uttered no words against him. He respected my body. This lasted for almost three months, when I felt a dictation in my mind that I should fully submit as a wife and love one another because we were married twice and we should act as husband and wife in the eyes of God and men. And then the dictation went on convincing me not to waste time so we could become parents while still young. Then I pondered carefully until agreed with the idea I had to accept because I could not return back what had happened. Then two months later I conceived my first baby.
God taught me to bow down to His will and to love an enemy. My husband's respect, patience, love and concern touched my heart which made me admire him at the start and as time passed by our feelings became mutual.
By giving my yes to God's will made me stronger. I never felt afraid of what kind of future was stored for me. I had that trust and confidence that I could carry on. When I was in the delivery room, I felt no fear of childbirth pain or any operation I would undertake. The joy flooding my soul was the only thing I felt for I was going to have a baby which would be a proof to my yes to the Father.
My husband was so good to me. The only thing that marred our relationship was his weakness in combating evil forces. He started to search for happiness in a wrong way, be being so much involved in worldly pleasures especially women. The feeling of guilt that haunted him, made him insecure. It was hurting his pride and put the blame in himself. I could read what was in his mind. To boost his ego he tried to philander he was not serious at first. He wanted to know if I would become jealous and ready to fight for my right as a wife. He was so dismayed because I did otherwise. How could that be if I tried my best to understand him, then I readily forgave him. Someone in my mind was consoling me that deep in my husband's heart, I was his true love. I reminded him that it was a grave sin to be involved with other women. I did not give consent to what he was doing and when he did not listen, I told him he was old enough to know what was right or wrong.
Through the years we lived together. I had a big heart to understand him and I was ever ready to forgive him. He told me it was the role given him to play in the world drama and he was so very sorry for worst things he had done. Then I asked him if he found happiness in the path he trodded and he vehemently said no.
Searching for happiness for me as the opposite way. I remained faithful to my husband. I accepted everything what were sent to me - a yes to God's will and I didn't nurture in my heart any negative feeling. I had to understand that all of us are sinners. I could feel that my heart was full of love, mercy and forgiveness resulting to peace of heart.
When my eldest daughter graduated in high school, my husband decided to look for another job in Manila. I had to face the consequence. God had a message for me to detach from my husband and focus my mind on heavenly things and not in worldly things. As long as my husband would send my children to college, I have nothing more to ask. I was left in my hometown, Virac together with my young children. I had that feeling of joy because I could do anything I wanted to in order to grow spiritually with nobody to disturb me.
The distance of my house in Capilihan to the town proper was a problem to me in doing apostolate work after school hours. So I asked the Blessed Mother if she would allow me to drive a motorbike for the reason that I could perform my job well as a mother, as a school teacher and as her handmaid. After three days I was inspired to go and to make a canvass and found myself buying one - three months payment good as cash.
Before the traumatic experience I had, when an intruder sneaked to my house at 4:00 am and hacked me with an axe and cut my palms with a knife, I was gathering people to share many things about the Blessed Mother, what I had read, learned and felt about her.
After the incident, I immediately forgave the intruder deep in my heart and beg for God's mercy to forgive him too because he was just an instrument of the evil ones.
I had stitches on my head and two palms, so I stayed with my mother and didn't return to my former residence. At first my mother was so good to me not until she found out that my husband was still communicating with me thru letters and was sending me goods. She told me that we had some things to be cleared up in the evening. Then I asked the Blessed Mother to guide me what to say. My mother asked me how my relationship with my husband was going on. I told her that we were in good terms only that he was physically absent. Then she convinced me to separate from my husband and she promised me to give full support to my family in order to survive. I told her politely that the teachings of Jesus were deeply rooted in me. I didn't want to displease the Lord by not following His teachings and disobeying his Commandments because I had that great fear in Him. Nobody could put as under what God has bound together. To my mother's dismay she ordered me to leave Virac together with my children and join my husband as soon as possible. I pleaded to my mother and we had to wait for few months more until my son would graduate in college and my palms were completely healed, but she ignored me and didn't give me a chance. I did not bear any resentment against her and self-pity, didn't envelop my being because I understood her situation. She was insecure and lonely for being a widow and she wanted a companion who was her really own. By understanding and forgiving my mother deep in my heart easily healed the hurt that pierced my soul.
I chose to narrow and thorny path and despised what the world promised me to give by not accepting my mother's offer. I chose poverty instead of riches, worldly honor and pleasure. I have lived a mortified life, I placed God first and above any of my loved ones because I followed Him until the end of the race which was Calvary and the reward was given to me because I accepted, loved and embraced the Cross. Yes, the Cross of my Salvation was awarded to me.
I had so many more meditations to touch up but because of time constraints, I deemed it wise to end my sharing until the next level of prayer.
Now you will agree with me that he secret of sanctity or path to holiness is knowing and following the will of God. The Blessed Mother played a very big role in my life. She was the one who taught and molded me to be a replica
of Her Son, Jesus my brother spouse. Meditation demands more personal, mental awareness putting oneself in a position of personal assessment. It is assessing how well one is living the holy life in imitation of Jesus and Mary and the Saints. It is more than asking and listening but living what one has learned. It is how one is taking care of the Soul, how one is following the Commandments, the virtues and God's law.
Written: 8/28/00 Shared 8/31/00 & 09/02/00
AFFECTIVE PRAYER - 3RD LEVEL
In this level, a great love of God which is personal is demonstrated. There is an attachment a longing and growing in love with God.
Before Jesus became the center of my life, I passed the stages of growing in love first wit the Blessed Mother.
My very own mother was so indifferent to me when I was young until I got married and had my eight children but now her indifference melted and was swept away by the current of love that transformed her. She changed a lot after the Gifts of the Holy Spirit was rewarded to me. She was just an instrument so I could earn the merits and polished my virtues like brilliant gems. In the midst of her indifference, I suffered silently patiently and with humility. I did not complain and that was why my father, brothers and sisters didn't know it. I never harbored any resentment, anger, hatred, self-pity and revenge in my heart, mind and soul. Despite my situation, I highly esteemed her for the sacrifices she did in bringing up her children. I was accustomed on how she treated me especially when we two were alone. I was able to trace the root cause of my sufferings under my mother when I was given the gifts of the Holy Spirit. My father and elder brothers loved me so dearly being the eldest daughter in the family, but never acted as a spoiled brat. My father told me that he jumped with joy when I was born.
Ahead of me were my three elder brothers. After me was a brother again and then my four sisters followed. I was the apple of their eyes and for this reason, my mother nurtured in her heart jealousy which was implanted by the evil one, that kept on deceiving her. Of course it was shameful to let my father and brothers know what she felt so it was radiated to me resulting to her indifference and fault findings. Deep in my heart I forgave her for she didn't know what she was doing.
God's plan for me was a different one so He designed it uniquely. I was tested 14 years under my mother, 24 years under my husband and 2 years under my daughter summing up to 40 years and I passed all the tests in carrying my cross after which I was awarded spiritually which level of prayer. The cross I had carried grew heavier as days passed by but I was able to carry it up to Calvary victoriously.
This was how I loved following the will of God by embracing my cross. In doing so my great love for God which was personal had been demonstrated already. There was an attachment a longing and growing in love with God but I wasn't aware of it. My way of life was a prayer itself. My tears, my sighs, my silence were expressions of love that grew as my cross had grown heavier.
My life was full of crosses not bed of roses and it was but natural that I would feel lonely and there was a longing I didn't that would make me happy. I hungered for a love of a mother. A mother who would console, protect, guide and teach me to be more pleasing of God. My eyes focused to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and my loneliness was gone. This happened when I visited the church after I was discharged from the hospital with stitches on my head and palms. My longing for a mother was answered and I entrusted my whole self, my heart, my soul and my mind to Mother Mary.
Beginning that time, I read books about the Blessed Mother. Her life from conception to her assumption and her glories.
I was greatly enamored by the beautiful stories I had read about her. Yes, I fell in love with her as my mother, with the affection I had for her, I started to call on her when I was alone as if she was physically present.
In loving her there was a great desire to be with her always. I had plenty of time reading the book, "The Life of Mary as seen by the Mystics" while I was on leave after my hospitalization. While I was nearly to finish the book, a strong earthquake happened. Then I pleaded that moment to the Blessed Mother to intercede for us and that it would not be our last moment on earth because I had not known her fully for the reason that I hadn't finished what I was reading. Although there were after shocks, I kept on reading and didn't mind what was happening.
Before reading the life story of the Blessed Virgin. I had been listening and following her requests. I have heard that every time there was an apparition, she requested everybody to say the rosary everyday. So I asked her, "What is the secret behind the rosary? I wanted to know more about it. Although, I didn't know the story behind, I had to say the rosary because it was your request." My question was answered when I went to manila for a check-up. Then together with my daughter we went to a department store, and our footsteps led us to the religious articles section and there we found a book entitled "The Secret of the Rosary". We bought the book together with the copies of "How To Say Rosary With Meditations". My joy was added when I found copies of the Blessed Virgin Mary's apparition in Medjugorje right on my bed. Those were the firs messages I have things to remember for every reading I had until the pages of my notebook were filled-up as if I was enrolled in a spiritual school.
When I returned to Virac, a few days later, my mother had her final decision that my family should leave Virac because I didn't agree with her plan.
That time, three of my children were taking their college education in Baguio City, financed by my husband while his job was in Manila. It would be burdensome for him if all of us wold to to Baguio. In fact, he just called up and informed me that his business was on a critical stage, wherein it was hard for him to collect in the government for the supplies he delivered and so with me I was on leave without pay. My mother was so insistent and didn't even give support for our fare. In this kind of situation, I preferred to be quiet and meditate instead. I consulted Mother Mary on what to do. If everything would be alright and nothing would hinder us to go, it was really God's plan. My sister in California called me up that she would send an amount for our travel besides the monthly support she would extend. Everything seemed so easy and there was nothing to worry. I decided not to notify my husband but to join instead with my three children in Baguio. When we reached Manila, I contacted my son in Baguio to look for an apartment. He told me it was not easy to look for one and informed me it was examination week so he would try to find after the test. Then I prayed to Mother Mary to guide my son in order to find the apartment she reserved for us. My prayer was answered because my son found one which was padlocked for a month just across his boarding house. He didn't spend time going around to look for one. We stayed in Manila for only a week then settled down to Baguio. When all things were in order, it was the right time for me to call my husband and he was surprised how I managed everything. The more he was amazed how his collections became easy. In his first visit, he handed me a sufficient amount besides the grocery goods that would last for few months. He just visited us because his job was in Manila. I had to be systematic in my daily household chores so I could give time to pray at home, attend the daily mass and read spiritual books. I bought flowers and candles for my altar and were ready every time I pray.
Reading spiritual books served as my rest period and snack time - the food for my soul. For almost ten months stay in Baguio, I could see signs that we should go back to Virac. It was only an opportunity for me to grow spiritually. As if I enrolled one-year college in Religion. My children became sickly, the collection of my husband returned to its critical condition, then there was a strike at the Post Office. I felt so homesick with no letters and no monthly support were received. I decided to go to Manila with my youngest son to inform my brother in Virac. He told me that my mother would be sending money by air cargo. When I returned to Baguio from Manila, I cried in the evening while praying then I uttered, "My Lord and my God, why have you abandoned me? What was the use of going to Baguio with out fulfilling my mission? I need your help.
Lord, You know it well that the hardest thing for me to do was to pack up our things again, then go to Manila and return to Virac with my three children, who could not even help me with the many pieces of baggage we had" As if I was in agony and my strength left me. In the morning, while I was starting to pack up, I received the money from my mother. In the evening my husband arrived and he was so surprised why I was packing up with tears rolling down his cheeks he pleaded that we should stay. He told me that he would have his last card in business if he would be able to sell the parcel of land he bought. Then he continued that he had a bad dream for three nights with the same contents that something wrong was happening to us so he decided to go to Baguio. In reality he was sent by God to pack up our things and sent them all thru air-cargo. God really responded to my plea. Money was not a problem and so with the packing up of our things. We stayed in Baguio for a week more after sending our things to Virac.
My husband left ahead of us and my son went with him to the bus station. When they were gone, I felt so very lonely that I cried so much for a long time which I never did before. I felt death which I couldn't understand. God prepared me for the next event to come.
Our trip to Virac was so easy without worrying about the pieces of baggage to carry. After one month stay in Virac, my husband died as a flood victim. I didn't cry anymore. I accepted readily and felt so strong and prepared. The answer readily and felt so strong and prepared. The answer to my question to God was clear to me why I stayed in Baguio. One reason was the beautiful environment conducive to learning about spiritual things thru reading and without disturbance. Another was the precious time being together with my husband and children and as a family the head of which was nearing death. And lastly I was guided to pray to the Divine Mercy for the soul of my husband while he was still alive which led him to repent and asked forgiveness thru my son who went with him to the bus station. Really there was a mission accomplished.
In the AFFECTIVE PRAYER greater love comes through knowledge, through understanding acquired through reading and this was my very life in Baguio. I sought, knocked and asked for God's presence with the Blessed Mother and all were given to me.
Written: 9/5 & 6/00 Shared 9/7 & 9/00
Before Jesus became the center of my life, I passed the stages of growing in love first wit the Blessed Mother.
My very own mother was so indifferent to me when I was young until I got married and had my eight children but now her indifference melted and was swept away by the current of love that transformed her. She changed a lot after the Gifts of the Holy Spirit was rewarded to me. She was just an instrument so I could earn the merits and polished my virtues like brilliant gems. In the midst of her indifference, I suffered silently patiently and with humility. I did not complain and that was why my father, brothers and sisters didn't know it. I never harbored any resentment, anger, hatred, self-pity and revenge in my heart, mind and soul. Despite my situation, I highly esteemed her for the sacrifices she did in bringing up her children. I was accustomed on how she treated me especially when we two were alone. I was able to trace the root cause of my sufferings under my mother when I was given the gifts of the Holy Spirit. My father and elder brothers loved me so dearly being the eldest daughter in the family, but never acted as a spoiled brat. My father told me that he jumped with joy when I was born.
Ahead of me were my three elder brothers. After me was a brother again and then my four sisters followed. I was the apple of their eyes and for this reason, my mother nurtured in her heart jealousy which was implanted by the evil one, that kept on deceiving her. Of course it was shameful to let my father and brothers know what she felt so it was radiated to me resulting to her indifference and fault findings. Deep in my heart I forgave her for she didn't know what she was doing.
God's plan for me was a different one so He designed it uniquely. I was tested 14 years under my mother, 24 years under my husband and 2 years under my daughter summing up to 40 years and I passed all the tests in carrying my cross after which I was awarded spiritually which level of prayer. The cross I had carried grew heavier as days passed by but I was able to carry it up to Calvary victoriously.
This was how I loved following the will of God by embracing my cross. In doing so my great love for God which was personal had been demonstrated already. There was an attachment a longing and growing in love with God but I wasn't aware of it. My way of life was a prayer itself. My tears, my sighs, my silence were expressions of love that grew as my cross had grown heavier.
My life was full of crosses not bed of roses and it was but natural that I would feel lonely and there was a longing I didn't that would make me happy. I hungered for a love of a mother. A mother who would console, protect, guide and teach me to be more pleasing of God. My eyes focused to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and my loneliness was gone. This happened when I visited the church after I was discharged from the hospital with stitches on my head and palms. My longing for a mother was answered and I entrusted my whole self, my heart, my soul and my mind to Mother Mary.
Beginning that time, I read books about the Blessed Mother. Her life from conception to her assumption and her glories.
I was greatly enamored by the beautiful stories I had read about her. Yes, I fell in love with her as my mother, with the affection I had for her, I started to call on her when I was alone as if she was physically present.
In loving her there was a great desire to be with her always. I had plenty of time reading the book, "The Life of Mary as seen by the Mystics" while I was on leave after my hospitalization. While I was nearly to finish the book, a strong earthquake happened. Then I pleaded that moment to the Blessed Mother to intercede for us and that it would not be our last moment on earth because I had not known her fully for the reason that I hadn't finished what I was reading. Although there were after shocks, I kept on reading and didn't mind what was happening.
Before reading the life story of the Blessed Virgin. I had been listening and following her requests. I have heard that every time there was an apparition, she requested everybody to say the rosary everyday. So I asked her, "What is the secret behind the rosary? I wanted to know more about it. Although, I didn't know the story behind, I had to say the rosary because it was your request." My question was answered when I went to manila for a check-up. Then together with my daughter we went to a department store, and our footsteps led us to the religious articles section and there we found a book entitled "The Secret of the Rosary". We bought the book together with the copies of "How To Say Rosary With Meditations". My joy was added when I found copies of the Blessed Virgin Mary's apparition in Medjugorje right on my bed. Those were the firs messages I have things to remember for every reading I had until the pages of my notebook were filled-up as if I was enrolled in a spiritual school.
When I returned to Virac, a few days later, my mother had her final decision that my family should leave Virac because I didn't agree with her plan.
That time, three of my children were taking their college education in Baguio City, financed by my husband while his job was in Manila. It would be burdensome for him if all of us wold to to Baguio. In fact, he just called up and informed me that his business was on a critical stage, wherein it was hard for him to collect in the government for the supplies he delivered and so with me I was on leave without pay. My mother was so insistent and didn't even give support for our fare. In this kind of situation, I preferred to be quiet and meditate instead. I consulted Mother Mary on what to do. If everything would be alright and nothing would hinder us to go, it was really God's plan. My sister in California called me up that she would send an amount for our travel besides the monthly support she would extend. Everything seemed so easy and there was nothing to worry. I decided not to notify my husband but to join instead with my three children in Baguio. When we reached Manila, I contacted my son in Baguio to look for an apartment. He told me it was not easy to look for one and informed me it was examination week so he would try to find after the test. Then I prayed to Mother Mary to guide my son in order to find the apartment she reserved for us. My prayer was answered because my son found one which was padlocked for a month just across his boarding house. He didn't spend time going around to look for one. We stayed in Manila for only a week then settled down to Baguio. When all things were in order, it was the right time for me to call my husband and he was surprised how I managed everything. The more he was amazed how his collections became easy. In his first visit, he handed me a sufficient amount besides the grocery goods that would last for few months. He just visited us because his job was in Manila. I had to be systematic in my daily household chores so I could give time to pray at home, attend the daily mass and read spiritual books. I bought flowers and candles for my altar and were ready every time I pray.
Reading spiritual books served as my rest period and snack time - the food for my soul. For almost ten months stay in Baguio, I could see signs that we should go back to Virac. It was only an opportunity for me to grow spiritually. As if I enrolled one-year college in Religion. My children became sickly, the collection of my husband returned to its critical condition, then there was a strike at the Post Office. I felt so homesick with no letters and no monthly support were received. I decided to go to Manila with my youngest son to inform my brother in Virac. He told me that my mother would be sending money by air cargo. When I returned to Baguio from Manila, I cried in the evening while praying then I uttered, "My Lord and my God, why have you abandoned me? What was the use of going to Baguio with out fulfilling my mission? I need your help.
Lord, You know it well that the hardest thing for me to do was to pack up our things again, then go to Manila and return to Virac with my three children, who could not even help me with the many pieces of baggage we had" As if I was in agony and my strength left me. In the morning, while I was starting to pack up, I received the money from my mother. In the evening my husband arrived and he was so surprised why I was packing up with tears rolling down his cheeks he pleaded that we should stay. He told me that he would have his last card in business if he would be able to sell the parcel of land he bought. Then he continued that he had a bad dream for three nights with the same contents that something wrong was happening to us so he decided to go to Baguio. In reality he was sent by God to pack up our things and sent them all thru air-cargo. God really responded to my plea. Money was not a problem and so with the packing up of our things. We stayed in Baguio for a week more after sending our things to Virac.
My husband left ahead of us and my son went with him to the bus station. When they were gone, I felt so very lonely that I cried so much for a long time which I never did before. I felt death which I couldn't understand. God prepared me for the next event to come.
Our trip to Virac was so easy without worrying about the pieces of baggage to carry. After one month stay in Virac, my husband died as a flood victim. I didn't cry anymore. I accepted readily and felt so strong and prepared. The answer readily and felt so strong and prepared. The answer to my question to God was clear to me why I stayed in Baguio. One reason was the beautiful environment conducive to learning about spiritual things thru reading and without disturbance. Another was the precious time being together with my husband and children and as a family the head of which was nearing death. And lastly I was guided to pray to the Divine Mercy for the soul of my husband while he was still alive which led him to repent and asked forgiveness thru my son who went with him to the bus station. Really there was a mission accomplished.
In the AFFECTIVE PRAYER greater love comes through knowledge, through understanding acquired through reading and this was my very life in Baguio. I sought, knocked and asked for God's presence with the Blessed Mother and all were given to me.
Written: 9/5 & 6/00 Shared 9/7 & 9/00
PRAYER OF SIMPLICITY -4TH LEVEL
When I had grown in the verbal prayer, meditation and affective prayer, I had that great desire to be in God's loving presence, that united me to God in a special way. Being quiet with God was a powerful form of prayer which showed a great sign of trust. This could be depicted in my life story how I carried the cross silently and patiently without complaints. As what I had said, my life story was a prayer itself.
When the intruder that sneaked into our house last July 03,1988 at 4:00 am, brownout time, I was at the comfort room. When I was about to flush the toilet. I felt somebody was hugging me coming from my back. My mind traveled that it couldn't be my husband because the means of transportation would not be available at that time or it might be my son from Baguio City who would give me a surprise by sleeping at a friend's house before going home. When my eyes were focused downward with the help of a candle light, I was the blade of a knife. I had that courage to grab the blade of a knife with my two palms, and I got it. I didn't know that my palms were cut because they didn't bleed. God knew that blood oozing from my hands would weaken me so he didn't let it happen. I fell to the floor in the bathroom after getting the knife but I was alert in standing up when an axe was aimed at me and I struggled to get it. I fell on the floor outside the bathroom without getting the axe. At that moment, I heard a voice saying. "Don't fear, you would have a nerve to get it. I will never abandon you." After hearing that voice I bed came so strong, stood up and I was able to get the axe. When the weapons were with me, I fell facing down and the weapons were under my breast. When i tried to rise, the man kicked my head several times, until I laid flat. I attempted to rise again and he did the same thing. In my third attempt, I preferred to rest and gathered strength and made him believe that I was unconscious. Since it was dark he wasn't sure what to do. When the intruder knew I was able to stand with the weapons on my hands he fled to the direction of the main door where he entered as fast as he could, In our struggle, we didn't exchange words. My concentration was focused on how to get the weapons. The proof of my silence while struggling was my blackish tongue, wherein I closed my mouth and I was biting my tongue unknowingly. I really felt God's presence and my trust in Him was full that He would not leave me. I succeeded in getting the weapons and when the intruder left, that was the time I shouted for help then blood coming from my head started to flow down my body.
I was confined in the hospital for two days and when I was discharged, my eldest daughter called me up. I could sense in her statements that she was full of fear, greatly bothered and the result of which was sleeplessness. I could feel that evil spirits were working on her. -So I decided to go to Manila for a check-up. Before leaving, I asked from a friend, Naty Manlagnit, holy water which I could use in combating evils. She handed me in the afternoon a small amount of holy water contained in an empty cleansing cream container halfly filled.Then I opened to see the contents and gently closed the container then water overflowed. I did it twice in the presence of my friend and it overflowed again. I kept silent while her face was full of astonishment. I brought home the holy water and placed it at the altar. In the evening, my youngest daughter cried while sleeping as if she was bitten by something. I got the holy water and wet my fingertips then made a sign of the cross on her leg which was swollen. Immediately the pain and the swollen areas was gone. I did not accept that a miracle was working in me. I said to myself "Who am I to have such privilege?" Then I agreed instead that nothing is impossible with God. When I reached Manila, I saw my eldest daughter's blackish eyes. Then she told me not to stare at her because she couldn't bear the brilliance radiating from my eyes. There was really something wrong with her so I had to observe her. In the evening, we slept together on a bed. I told her to pray instead of wasting time until we felt sleepy. She welcomed praying because according to her, the surrounding is quiet and God would listen attentively. At three o'clock am, we woke up at the same time and did the same thing. I observed her in the following night and did the same. On the third night I was prompted to sleep separately from her. She slept on the floor while I slept on the bed. At midnight, she didn't wake up. I was half awake then saw a spot of light in my closed eyes which became bigger and bigger. I didn't open my eyes for fear that I might see evils work. Then I felt a touch in my heart which made me feel it was my last breath. So I asked God to forgive me all my sins from childhood up to the present, although I was in the state of grace. By doing this, I had peace of heart and I was made aware that God wanted to get inside my being. I refused and said I was not ready and I was not worthy. After refusing God's offer. I smelled the fragrance of fresh flowers spreading, the scent with the help of the electric fan which was moving on. Daily I blessed my three daughters who were in Manila with the holy water which kept on overflowing every time I closed it but the amount of water remained the same. My eldest daughter was healed and was able to sleep. So I returned to Virac. When I reached home, I found out that the holy water was gone with no trace of wetness in the container although it was closed. There were many instances in my life wherein I was given insights and wisdom which I never wished for but Jesus wished me to have.
It was feast day of the Sacred Heart in the year 1990's, when I forgot to bring my scapular. During the Mass, I asked myself why I forgot to bring it of all the days I should have it. Then in the evening while praying in my bedroom, kneeling with lighted candle, I was prompted to be still rather than to continue my verbal prayer and looked at the candle. The lighted wick formed a heart not a thin one but a thick fleshy heart which was burning. I kept on kneeling in adoration then the heart was changed to a map of Catanduanes and downward of which was a flower. So this was the reason why I forgot to bring my scapular that something special would be shown to me, the burning fire of love. While writing this testimony, I tried to analyze why I saw a heart, Catanduanes and in the downward portion was Virac, where there was a flower which means the burning fire of love of God is in Catanduanes found in Virac, which is a fragrant flower to Him. He did not ask special prayer from me, only my attention and company.
Another instance when I was in my classroom before 1:00 p.m. I distributed books to my pupils so everybody would be busy reading instead of wasting time. I was having my boardwork when four children called my attention. They told me that there were drops of blood on the book. I asked them if anybody holding the book had a wound. They said none of them had it. At first the page of the book had no blood, then later dried drops of blood appeared on the page. I went near them and saw the dried drops of blood. I told them to close the book because it was only their imagination. Then to my surprise, I saw a drop of blood flowing at the side of the closed book. I held it with my forefinger then smelled it. It was a real fresh blood, I didn't say a word and only the four children knew it. Thirteen days after, I was enlightened that it was Jesus blood. In my verbal prayer, I had a prayer honoring the lost blood of Jesus on His way to Calvary and unconsciously I prayed it daily before class hours. The four children saw dried drops of blood and Jesus blood lost on the way to Calvary was shown to us. Upon realizing this on the thirteenth day, I distributed all the books and instructed my pupils to trace drops of blood on the pages. They should do it slowly, page by page. Nobody found any trace of blood. They were really lost and gone. Being in God's loving presence is an attitude, an acceptance, a desire, a demonstration of love.
Another instance was during the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes, Feb.11, while attending the Mass, I saw my left breast moving forward making it bigger than the other one. I felt it firmer and full then returned back as it was before. When I visited the Eucharistic Chapel, the same thing happened witnessed by somebody. Then I went to the ICSA Hall and did some healing to share the fullness in me. Service to others is also service to God. I have a big heart in rendering service generously.
Another thing that happened to me in an evening at 12:00 midnight after I had gone from a healing session, while resting on my bed with no lights at all and it was so dark, I heard the sound of wings in flying motion. Then I looked where the sound came from and saw a light as big as my fist hovering around my room for thirty minutes. I prayed and adored God for His presence and didn't dare to wink or blink my eyes instead I followed wherever the flying motion went until darkness envelope my room again.
To raise ourselves in the way of prayer we must be quiet sometimes in a state of adoration of God and the needs in our heart will be known to Jesus.
Written: 9/13 & 15/00
INFUSED CONTEMPLATION - 5TH LEVEL
This level of prayer demands the infusing of the Soul with Special Graces by the Holy Spirit. The Soul of the person is given wisdom, knowledge piety and trust. It helps the person understand new ideas of God's love, desire to grow holy and virtuous in piety and trust that God's care will be given.
When my husband died after a month when we returned to Virac from Baguio City, I felt a great love of God and desired for holiness to the extent of surrendering myself to God and His Providential care. I spent hours on knees in prayer by abandoning myself to the love of God.
In all the trials in my life, I never detached from the friendship of God - the heavier my cross was, the more I embraced it. After the sufferings I had undergone in the hands of my mother and husband there came next under the hands of my daughter, the fourth child of mine who was exactly the opposite of my being. The Holy Spirit was working in me, while the evil spirits were working in her. Negative feelings were stored in her heart and she was possessed by the evil ones. I did not know the world she was in had she not exploded and got sick. Her self-image was broken. She was restless, sleepless and went anywhere she wanted to go, causing public scandal and great disturbance. This was the hardest stage because many were affected. I denied myself. I did not seek for human consolation but God's intervention. I suffered humiliation, condemnation and persecution. I didn't mind what people said about me and my family, accusing me of things they did not understand. I forgave them deep in my heart every time their accusations and fault findings reached me. In this situation, I felt death in me and was internally separated from this world. My personal relationship with God had grown deeper and stronger. For this reason many extra ordinary things were happening to me. I was tested by God if I had a great amount of faith in order to abandon myself to Him. Faith that God will provide spiritually; Faith that God is truly present, and Faith that His Word is correct, right, worthy, honest and true.
When my daughter got sick for the first time, I had no healing power yet. I didn't understand her ways. I surrendered her to God and He made all decisions. All that I did was to follow His will. I had no fear of whatever would happen to me and my family. My faith and love were constant and so with my hope and trust. I have loved God so much and my trust in Him is full. Anything He wanted from me I would give. I had grown into the experience of being quiet internally and did instead the outpouring of love and trust in my reflection. In my spiritual journey, I gave myself to the interior life. I adjusted my mind and heart and separated mentally from other life's task.
When I was a classroom teacher, I doubled my time preparing presentable daily lessons in all subjects for the whole school year, together with the materials needed to make it easier for me on the following years to come and to devote more time on my spiritual readings. It was fruit of my endeavor which could not be found in any bookstore. When I went on leave due to the stitches on my head and palms, some of my instructional materials were stolen. Instead of getting mad at the one who took over in my absence, I had to get the message behind. I could feel I should be detached from my teaching profession and concentrate more on my spiritual life. It was time again to be on leave because we were bound for Baguio City. When we returned Virac, I had another grade to teach upon reinstatement. When the bonus and 13th month pay for teachers arrived, I was not entitled for it. I did not envy teachers for the ten thousand they received but pitied them instead for it won't be enough to pay for their debts and to buy for their needs. In my case I had no debts to pay and my needs were given for free until I received my salary.
In my classroom, I had given more emphasis on good manners and right conduct and the infusion of values for every subject. As what I had told my pupils, all subjects were important, but the most they could profit from is the character education applied in their lives. I explained to them that it was a way to earn a ticket for a heavenly trip.
With the help of God, I had no problem in disciplining my pupils. Instead of shouting, scolding and punishing them, I planted in their hearts seeds of love right from the start. As days passed by, they could feel that they were loved, that they were important, that their feelings were respected and redirected if not good. I showed to them my concern for their welfare. In return they listened to me whatever request I asked for disciplining them.
Whenever teachers were called to the Principal's office by grade level or for a conference, we had to leave our pupils in the classroom with proper instructions. Some teachers would ask me how I managed leaving my classroom without worrying. I simply smiled and told when I prayed for my pupils.
In my daily spiritual exercises which comprised morning prayer, Holy Mass, Holy Communion, visit to the Blessed Sacrament, Holy Rosary and other remaining verbal prayers where I included prayers for the living and the dead. I had a prayer who had a problem, who were in need, who were sick and who had gone astray without their knowledge and I had to lift them up in my visit to the Blessed Sacrament.
Whenever I pray, it is much more for others than for me and my family because what I had done for others, God would surely take care of my spiritual and temporal needs. Mercy for others was a way for God to be merciful to me. Besides praying with the wrongs I received and forgave offenses readily until I had grown unconsciously in the spiritual works of mercy like comforting the afflicted, admonishing the sinner, counseling the doubtful and instructing the ignorant.
Since I was young, my ears were opened to receive the good news and messages from anybody whether they may be my parents, teachers, elders, priests or even from a younger one. I pondered the goodness of the message and let it sink into my heart and it was so easy to practice the message in real life situations. My heart was like a fertile ground wherein the Word of God sown in it grew bigger and bigger until it became sturdy, ready to bear fruits. At first the fruits were few but now there were plenty for others to get a share. Besides the messages I have listened to, I had to supplement with the reading I had from the Gospel and other spiritual books.
As I had grown spiritually, the virtue of humility in me was sifted like flour until it became finer. I was tested by God in this virtue when I did not accept the miracle that happened to me at once, which was the overflowing of the holy water because, I felt I was not worthy and I was not ready. Another instance when I remained silent with out letting others know that I had grown in the levels of prayer until the right time came for me to have a spiritual testimony, which pleased God so much. It was the hidden reason why I had reached the ninth level of prayer.
Written: 10/4 & 5/00
PRAYER OF QUIET - 6TH LEVEL
Prayer of quiet is a mystical level of prayer hidden and personal. It is a quiet love of God and a total unity with God in your heart, thought, mind and work. There is no show, no obvious behavior and thus others would not know you have reached this level.
By nature, I am a silent type of person, I responded only whenever asked and had to explain when it was my turn to do so, but most of the time I had to discipline my tongue. I never dared to reveal details of my problems, as a daughter, as sister, as a wife and as a mother. In my heart, I felt I was consoled in my mind. I was guided what to do and in my whole being I could endure pain and sufferings, so there was no need for me to release my feelings to somebody. I never thought that someday after reaching spiritual fulfillment, I would reveal my life story. In my spiritual testimony you would notice that I concentrated more on the beautiful spiritual experiences rather than explaining the details of my problems and sufferings. If you would try to analyze the meaning of my family name, you would agree that God was the one who chose my husband. So I would carry the family name REVELAR, meaning to reveal. What do I have to reveal? Mostly something about God as per my testimony and to help spread the continuation of the messages at Fatima and the Holy Word dictated by Jesus, Mary and Joseph to their Secretary, Dr. Mary Mary Jane Even, a prophetess from USA. There are nearly 3 million people who received these messages. Many have received the Grace to read and believe, some received but did not believe yet they would receive that Grace. So my family name Revelar means to reveal and to talk on the Revelation or the end times messages.
Everyone in my family is unique. I got eight children. My eldest daughter and eldest son were friends and never had a misunderstanding or a quarrel from childhood until they got married. My third and fourth ones, a son and a daughter respectively were enemies from childhood until this daughter of mine got sick in her college days. She was not in herself. Her ailment was not a nervous breakdown but called mood disorder, according to her psychiatrist. I didn't understand why such relationship of these two lasted for many years. They preferred to keep silent whenever I asked them. I discovered the root cause of this problem when I was gifted by the Holy Spirit.
When I delivered my fifth child, my brother was my attending physician. I never had the idea that he and her wife had a plan to adopt my daughter. His wife who is a nurse told my husband's grandmother that she was interested to take care of my baby. The couple did not tell me about their plan when we were still in the hospital. It was on their third visit in my house when they brought out the matter. Prior to this, I consulted God on whatever decision I would take. It flowed in my mind to open if somebody would knock at the door, to give what was asked from me, to give water to the thirsty or to feed the hungry. With this message in mind, God was in favor. I even requested my sister who was working as a nutritionist in our diocese to consult a priest, if it would not be a sin for me to agree with the adoption plan. She explained to me that there was no need to consult a priest because I did not present my baby for adoption in order to be relieved from my obligation and responsibility as a mother. It was the couple who planned and desired for it because they were childless. Even my husband asked for a week more to decide then consulted his close friends and all were in favor. Whenever I was alone, I cried bearing the pain of a mother losing a baby on her side. I was asked by God to detach from a relationship to the extent of sacrificing my own happiness and to give it to others.
I had two sons who were born with different features from the rest of my children. They have speech defect and mental retardation. In between the two handicapped boys of mine, there came my youngest daughter. She told me she was thankful for she was blessed with a better way of thinking than her two brothers. With this kind of family set-up, I desired to remain close to God and did all for God. It was His design for me. A sign of His great love that penetrated in my mind, heart and soul, I delighted to remain quiet and absorbed in reflection. Even if I was at work my soul remained quiet and absorbed in God. Work and prayer seemed to be as one. I accomplished much in working hard while my mind and heart were filled with Heavenly delight. All things that happened to me and my family must be a lifelong offering to God.
I offered all that I have, all that I possess, even myself, my loved ones and my work. Detachment from material things was not hard for me because I could get what God teaches me in my heart. Things we do not use but still usable, I had to dispose. When I had no time, I piled them up in a box and let my children be involved in giving them away on Christmas season. I let them invite their playmates and other children in the neighborhood for a short program then followed by sharing of what we had for their families which surprised them because we did it before December ended and there was no occasion at all.
When we were bound for Baguio, I disposed plenty of things we couldn't carry which were still useful to us. A simple life for me would be enough. When my daughter got sick and was not in herself, she got out things and disposed them without my knowledge which made my house bare. I just closed my eyes and ignored what had happened. Beginning that time I was not inspired to buy things or to replace them. I didn't intend to accumulate things. I had to be poor in the eyes of those who visited us.
After God had tested me to live an austere life and to love poverty, He inspired my eldest daughter to send me money to renovate our dwelling place. I was guided what to do by making it simple, orderly and alive. I was also inspired to fix things because my newly wed son with his wife was coming to visit us. The main reason was God's plan to gather the Cenacle Prayer Group in my residence.
Besides the material things, I was taught to detach from my loved ones. When my husband chose to seek job away from us, I accepted it and learned to be detached from him, when my daughter was adopted by my brother, I learned to detach from our relationship as mother and daughter but it was like a sword that pierced my soul. I was not even attached to myself because I had followed what God had wished me to do. I gave up my teaching profession without fear and reservations but with completer trust and abandonment. During the Mass, before Consecration my Eucharistic Prayer runs this way: "I offer You Lord my heart, my soul, my mind, my body,my senses and my strength. All my loved ones, all that I have, all that I possess, all that I ever was and all that I will ever be. I surrender to You all the manifestation gifts of service You have given me. Dispose them as what thou willest."
God really directed me in thought, word and deed. The gift of the presence of Jesus Christ was in me in this level. My mind, heart, body and soul was captivated by the love of God. After years of falling in love with God to a greater degree, I was interiorly blessed with great love. I advanced spiritually in the relationship with God through my prayer life. The rewards from having achieved this level of prayer are greater confidence and trust in God, a great fear of God's justice, a hope that God in His providential care will provide. It also produces abilities to suffer well, have deep humility and separate oneself from worldly matters and God's loving presence is included in this reward. I have gone through all of these and I have to praise and thank the Lord in my 55 whole life.
Written 10/9-10/00
PRAYER OF UNION - 7TH LEVEL
When I had reached the 40th year of my spiritual journey, I had triumphed in carrying my cross up to Calvary. I had passed all the tests God had given me, I denied myself and followed all what He wanted me to be. Unknowingly I had reached the perfect obedience to His will and because of this, many extraordinary things were happening to me.
It was on November 26,1991 when my son a college student that time told me at dinner that he pitied me so much for what were happening to me. Although I never complained, he knew what I was undergoing. He assured me that he would be responsible for his younger brothers and sister, but not to my fourth child because he told me she was his mortal enemy and he cursed her. His words seemed to be a slap on my face but I kept silent and asked God to forgive him for he didn't know what he was saying. His words gave me an idea why my daughter was suffering from her ailment because of unforgiveness. Then I turned to myself tracing the root cause of my sufferings. I asked myself if my mother had cursed me, too. In the following day, Nov. 27 the feast day of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, I went to church in the afternoon and when I returned home, my brother informed me that my daughter who was not in herself was disturbing his children in Manila. He asked what was my plan for her. I told him I didn't know what to do and it was up to God to decide for me. My brother requested me to go with him to make plans in the presence of our mother. Upon reaching her place, I opened the conversation. I asked my brother what he would do if he was in my place. He replied that he didn't know what to do either. My sick duaghter was not accepted in the Mental Hospital because she was nonviolent and could answer with consistency all the questions in the interview. After I asked my brother, I threw the next question to my mother. I asked her if she cursed me since childhood, because I suffered a lot through all the years of my life, although I wasn't bad at all. My mother denied of cursing me because she didn't know what was implanted in her heart about me. Then my brother said, "Nemia you were to kind to your daughter and if I were you, I would have scolded, punished or had beaten her". The word too kind had stricken my heart. In our conversation, we didn't arrive at a final plan for my daughter. I went home and found my three young ones asleep in my bedroom. I had nobody to pour out what was in my heart except God. In tears I asked the Lord if I was still on the right track since my brother was so angry with me then told me I was too kind to my daughter. Then I ask again, "Who am I to You Lord?" Then in my thoughts, I was given the idea that I was really kind in the sense that I could easily forgive anybody who hurt me and I did not nurture any resentment in my heart. I forgave my mother who was so indifferent to me, my husband with all the vices he had and the intruder who hacked me with an axe. I had heard from others that the hardest thing for them to do was to forgive. I didn't even know who I was had I not asked God to reveal to me my real self. The good points in me were hidden to polish the virtue of humility and the bad points I should be aware of for me to conquer them. I asked God's guidance as to the kind of special prayer I should use for the recovery of my daughter. I tried to look for the prayers I used for my eldest daughter who was sleepless for a week and I couldn't find any. What I found was a forgiveness prayer and I read it. It was a beautiful prayer, wherein one should forgive one self, parents, brothers, neighbor and everyone in one's life. Then I decided to pray the forgiveness prayer for nine days after the first day novena to the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary and was my first day to pray the Forgiveness Prayer.
In the morning of Nov.28,1991 in my classroom after we had our opening prayer and had just greeted my pupils, I had a strange feelings. God made a way that my pupils would not notice me. I was standing in front of my pupils then felt my soul detaching from my body going up while raising my arms open and with ears rolling down my cheeks. I said, "Father in Heaven, how beautiful it is to be with You up here. I don't want to return to my body and to the world." Then I noticed my soul was returning to my body and I felt it was no longer me working inside my being. My pupils had their seat work the whole morning, because I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I walked around the classroom and looked at the window. In tears, I thanked and praised God for the beautiful creation He had. I noticed the growing palay, the birds flying, the trees swaying and everything seemed to have a meaning. I walked around again and noticed my beautiful classroom newly painted. I praised and thanked the Lord, how I was able to manage my classroom despite the trials I was undergoing. When I dismissed my class, I tried to find time making a lesson plan for I had to attend the first day novena. While thinking of what objectives I should write, big tears kept rolling down my cheeks and I had to put my pen down and attend to what God wanted me to do. I had to adore, praise and thank Him again then I was able to finish my lesson plan.
Upon reaching home, I went to my bedroom and asked God what was the meaning of what had happened in my classroom. I was prompted to get my spiritual reading book and opened it somewhere in the middle and the message ran this way, "Unification of the Holy Spirit transpires if you have carried all the crosses victoriously in your life without complaints and without questioning God." I was in tears again praising and thanking the Lord because the contents of what I was reading was my real life.
God made it known to me that I was in union with God. Me and God were one. Then I recalled that it was also my wedding anniversary when the Unification of the Holy Spirit transpired. Since my husband had passed away already, my brother spouse was Jesus, Himself. In the afternoon, after classes were dismissed, me and my friend hurriedly went to church to attend the rosary prayer, novena, Holy Mass and then after these, I prayed the Forgiveness Prayer. On the 6th day of the novena I was prompted to pray the Forgiveness Prayer within the Mass during the offertory. While praying it, I was kneeling while others were seated and many were on the aisle for their love offerings. Then I felt something heavy on my right shoulder. After finishing my prayer, I had to sit and my back reclined so I would be rested. While I was in this position, I heard a sound just for me to hear coming on my right side and smelled something. I asked the one near me if she smelled something and she agreed and on my left side she didn't smell the burnt rubber band. I was able to interpret the meaning. So in tears, I praised and thanked the Lord for forgiving all my sins.
On the feast day of the Immaculate Conception, me and my friend attended the Holy Mass at 6:00AM and another more at 7:00AM, as requested by my friend. Before the Mass, Zeny Vargas approached me to read the 1st Reading, Responsorial Psalm, 2nd Reading and prayer for the Faithful because she was wearing pants and on that moment I was in all white. Imagine it was the feast day and nobody was assigned to do it. It was really God's way to choose me for something extra ordinary were happening to me. After the Mass, my friend invited me to have breakfast in her house, a few steps from the church. After I had eaten, I told my friend I would visit my mother for it was a special day of the Blessed Mother. When I reached home, I hurriedly prepared for lunch and let my children eat first. While they were having lunch, I sneaked and went directly to my mother's place. She was taking her lunch when I kissed her and she was alright. I didn't eat my lunch because I felt I was still full. I patiently waited for her to finish eating then to fix her things and other necessities. It was not my plan to have a dialogue with her but I could feel I had something to say. I started my talk this way, "Ma, I am so lucky to have you as my mother and Papa as my father. You molded all of us to be good children and both of you deserved to be rewarded. Although you treated me so indifferently since childhood, I never harbored any ill-feelings against you." My mother was just staring at me then I continued, "I know deep in your heart you loved me because I am your daughter but your heart was covered by indifference, hatred, envy, jealousy which you didn't even know why. You were deceived by the evil forces." Then I saw tears in her eyes and I knelt in from of her as I continue, "Blessings from the Lord will overflow to you, to my brothers and sisters and their families to me and my children and then to our neighborhood so we have to forgive and forget. At that moment, we were kissing and embracing at each other. I told her that God was pleased at that very moment and with my father who had passed away three years ago. I took a seat after kneeling and then I continued, "All the negatives stored in the heart must be uprooted so that it would be filled with God's love. There must be no barrier so you could let love overflow to others." I touched up may other beautiful things that surely lightened the heaviness in my mother's heart. My spiritual talk lasted for two hours with the reconciliation that took place. God was leading me to prepare my family to walk along the road of conversion.
At midnight of Dec.12,1991, I woke up and the light was switched on. I wondered because I never had to sleep having it on and besides that, the switch near my bed was beyond the reach of my three little children. I got up, prayed, then fixed my things in the room. I piled up clothings which which were not used by me and my kids for disposal. In the following evening Dec.13, I intentionally slept with the lights on because I could feel that God had a message to have it on. At midnight, I woke up and found myself turning on my right and left side several times while on bed. As if there was a magnetic force that made me so although I didn't feel I had to do it. While turning left and right I kept on smiling which I didn't understand why. I got up from bed and prayed instead. After praying I was prompted to close my eyes and concentrate. Then I felt my upper head so very cold like an ice, my face was numb due to the coldness. I felt that my head and my body were starting to receive the coldness.
I opened my eyes and saw no one who did it because it was the work of the Holy Spirit. I was prompted to get two blessed candles and the Holy Spirit Novena. I prayed all the prayers for nine days in one setting while seated. While praying, I was in tears thanking and praising God for the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit given to me namely, Gift of Fear of the Lord, the Gift of Piety, the Gift of Knowledge, the Gift of Fortitude, the Gift of Counsel, the Gift of Understanding and the Gift of Wisdom. After praying I moved my hands a little bit forward with open palms, then blew the blessed candle on my left front. I felt the heat of the candle radiated to my left palm and then I blew the blessed candle on my right front and the heat radiated to my right palm. After that, I could feel I had to pray over my children, who were sleeping. The Holy Spirit after baptizing me in the spirit taught me how to pray-over. First I did it with my two handicapped boys with open palms, I prayed over from head to feet while they were asleep. They were not awakened and were at peace. Then next my youngest daughter who was in Grade III. During my pray over, she did not wake up but her body was shaking. I recalled the current flowing from my hands that came from the blessed candle was radiated to her body. I tiptoed to the room of my son and did the same. His body was also shaking during the pray over but he didn't also wake up. Then I went back to my room analyzing what had happened and I was able to interpret it. My two handicapped children did not shake because they were innocent, while my son and daughter were committing sins already and their body seemed to be electrocuted by the current radiating from my palms. Then I had a long distance pray-over to my daughter and her family, to my son, then dropped my arms on my side. I asked the Lord why my sick daughter was not included. Then the answer flowed into my mind that a special prayer should be intended for her. After the pray-over, I read the Gospel for the day. My vision had changed and the printed words were so bright and clear then back again to my usual vision. I said to myself, that my eyes were tired and had no sleep at all from midnight so I put droplets of Eye-mo. I felt a tingling painful sensation as if something had passed through my eyes. With the clear vision I had, I was able to sew some torn clothes which I piled up. I didn't notice the time until my laundry woman arrived. I selected the clothes which were torn that I sewed for me to use and the rest with no damage should be disposed. I let my helper took charge of the disposing of our used clothing for I had no time. I also let her did the marketing for me because I didn't feel well. I prepared breakfast for my children and also the lunch and dinner meals but I didn't take any food or drink because I felt I was full. I went to my bedroom after preparing the food. As I was sitting and taking a rest, I felt the very cold sensation as cold as an ice started to move and penetrated my head and flowed tenderly through all my veins and blood vessels. I welcomed it with all my love because it was the God of love, the living God flowing deep within me. I did not fear because I was prepared by God. The Holy Spirit had chosen me to enter my being although I did not choose it to happen to me. He dwelt in my heart up to the present and made my body His temple. The tender movement flowing into my veins and blood vessels was from my head up to my trunk. Then I uttered, "My Lord and my God,if ever You would leave me, I would never forget You because I felt Your presence deep within me. Then He answered, "He would never leave me because my body was like an enclosed garden unless I would commit a grievous sin it would be time for Him to go." From midnight up to one o'clock in the afternoon I stayed awake then I felt I was yawning so I had to rest and sleep. I slept for an hour and upon waking up, I took a bath hurriedly then placed all my prayer books in my bag because. I felt I would be sick if I stayed in my room. I was filled by the Holy Spirit and because of that fullness, I felt as if my head would explode, my eyes would protrude, my ears would burst and my mouth would vomit. I hurriedly went to the direction of my friend's house and I was singing, Praised be the Lord, Allelluiah, while driving my motorbike. I shared to my friend all the unusual things happening to me. As I was sharing, I could feel I was relieved of what I felt so I told myself that I should share the fullness in me.
In the prayer of union, God's love takes hold of a person and interacts with it. God's response to love is to hold it and return love for love. It is God's love being poured into a person. This level requires submission of mind. There is an extreme desire to be with God and not on the earth. The person always wants to do God's will in all things which is a virtue of highest degree. I praised and thanked the Lord because of all of these were manifested in my spiritual testimony.
Written 10/17 -18/00
PRAYER OF CONFORMING UNION - 8TH LEVEL
In the 7th level which is Prayer of Union, the person's internal faculties are joined to God in love. It requires the submission of mind and will while the 8th level which is Prayer of Conforming Union requires the submission of the body. God begins to join or direct the external faculties. It is at this level that the Spiritual betrothal is begun. Special Gift of Grace are given to testify to this betrothal. Those who have received these gifts are called to action by God. This level is a unity with God and should consider the joys and sorrows of such experiences. There are sorrows also for God will use the desire of the person to be united with Him by asking many things, some of which may be very difficult and displeasing. Purgation of the soul int he 8th level is a movement toward perfection or Mystical Marriage.
I would like to explain in details the meaning or the description of this level of prayer thru the spiritual experiences I had.
After tracing the root cause of my sufferings, I discovered my real self. Who I am and the Unification of the Holy Spirit transpired. Then uprooted the root cause of my sufferings through reconciliation with my mother though I had not wronged her. Then I was baptized in the Spirit. I was taught by the Holy Spirit how to pray over my children. Then the living God who is the God of love penetrated my head flowing in my veins and blood vessels, down to my trunk. When I was filled by the Holy Spirit I was prompted to share the fullness in me to my friend Naty Manlangit in her house. After I had revealed all that transpired to me spiritually, I also shared with her all the prayers, I had brought with me then sang Praised be the Lord, several times. Then I prostrated myself on the floor. I felt the tender flowing movement within me from my thighs down to the soles of my feet in my friend's house. I stood up and counted the number of hours I spent and it took me four and a half hours. It was almost seven in the evening and I was about to go home when my friend asked me what prayers she should have to solve her problems. I told her "You know, although I had reached this stage, I felt I am nobody and I didn't know everything. But there must be nothing to fear. The blessings in me will overflow to you." Then I told her to pray the Novena, to the Divine Mercy, a feast of Mercy on the second Sunday of Easter. Upon reaching home, I could feel the freezing coldness, again on my upper head coming from within me. I hurriedly prepared the dinner for my children. While they were eating, I kept on standing and I didn't eat at all. Then I felt gentle flowing movement outside my head . It was really overflowing coming from within me down to my back head and on my face. I didn't wipe or touch the wet area. It just dried up on my head quickly and never wasted on the floor. What I only touched with my forefinger was the one rolling down my chin and found out it was water. I asked the Lord the meaning of what was happening to me. I was prompted to get a prayer book and I found the answer. It is called the Living Water coming from the depth of my being and the source of which is Jesus Himself. In the following morning after the Mass, I went to my friend's house and revealed what had happened. She told me she had something to add in my story. When I left her house a night before that day, she was about to prepare the schedule of the prayer I told her. She got the Bible Guide and found droplets of water on it. She wondered where it came from because it was not raining and besides she was not holding a glass of water. So what I told her about the blessings I was receiving will overflow to her came true. I didn't even know how it would happen and what I uttered really came from God. If we try to analyze the overflowing of the Holy Water in a container. I was on the 4th level of prayer that time which is prayer of simplicity and now I really reached a higher level wherein the overflowing of the living water from within me.
The first time I visited the Eucharistic Chapel, after I received the Holy Gifts and extraordinary things were happening to me, it was noontime and four of us were adoring. I knelt at the back far from them. When I started to pray I heard a child crying so I stopped praying and the cry also stopped. I tried to look for the presence of a child but found none. So I started again to pray, then I heard the queer sound praying what I was praying, too, I discovered the cry came from within me. Since I was born-again and baptized in the spirit, my soul acted like a child to let me know I was undergoing spiritual childhood. It is appropriate to say the prayer at this moment. "Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me. Bless the Holy Name, for the great gifts, graces and blessings given me by God in the Most Blessed Trinity.
The next time I visited the Blessed Sacrament and after praying all my verbal prayers, God directed me to say, "Possess me Lord." Then I felt I was in ecstasy and God's love being poured and took hold of my body. While kneeling I raised my face up and couldn't return it to the usual position at once. The more God possessed my body, the more my head was bent on my back, down to hips with my chest faced up. As if my body was supported by iron bars, so I would not fall. Anywhere God wanted to possess me, I submitted always my body. In this level the spiritual betrothal began. To testify to this betrothal, I was given special gifts of Grace. Every time I say the Rosary, the crucifix sticks below my finger on the fourth mystery. The first time I noticed this was on a Friday wherein the fourth mystery is the carrying of the Cross. This served as an engagement or wedding ring because the sticking of the crucifix is under my ring finger. There is joy in such experience for it is a sign of unity with God. If there was joy, I experienced also sorrow. God used my desire to be united with Him by asking me to prostrate on
the flooring of the Eucharistic Chapel and on the pavement outside my residence. In this way though difficult and displeasing I had to follow what God asked me to do. While prostrated on the ground or flooring, I offered my heart, my sou, my mind, my body and all my senses to God. Then I asked forgiveness for my children and my family in order to be renewed and to become a living witness of God's love and mercy.
With all the extra ordinary things that happened to me, only my friend had the first hand information. I had no time to share with my mother and brothers here in Virac because they would never understand me. I had to wait for the perfect time to reveal to them and besides there were many more that would be added to my testimony. To my son and daughter who were far from me and to my sisters abroad, I prepared testimonial letters. When my sick daughter arrived from Manila, I immediately informed her that I was in glory. She frowned and stared at me instead. In the evening my two brothers approached me and told me about their plans that we should go to Manila and let my daughter be confined in a hospital and my son should go with us to assist me. All expenses to be incurred would be charged to my brothers and sisters who were going to raise funds. My two handicapped sons were under the care of my friend's sister. Our schedule to leave Virac was Jan.03,1992. Before that date, many things had happened. When my sick daughter was informed about our trip, she wanted to go ahead of us. With the special gifts, I had received, I felt stronger, courageous and more firm in my decision. I told her beginning that time she should follow my commands.
She should not dare to leave without my go-signal. She was restless and wanted to go out and I forwarned her not to disobey my order. When she went upstairs I followed her. She looked back and spat at me twice. Her sputum didn't reach me but stuck to the left then to the right wall. I followed her up to my bedroom, then she began to take off all her clothing. She told me, "You know I have to be naked like when I was born". I replied, "It's okay with me. There is approached me and no malice in that." Then she continued, "You know somewhere in America, families go to the beach all naked." I replied, "I don't conform with that. Don't you know that when Adam and Eve committed a sin, they covered their bodies?" She felt that she was defeated with my reply, then she cried, trembling with her saliva flowing and to the extent of urinating. Then she continued, "I know that you're perfect, but I'm more perfect than you are." I replied, "Don't fool me, I know who you are." With my statement, she immediately got her clothes and put them on. Her voice and strength were weakened and felt she was sick. This was the dialogue I had with Satan, in the person of my daughter. I was able to know him and I had to conquer him too. In his statement that I was perfect, was true in the sense, that I had reached spiritual perfection than I was which was farce. After the dialogue, I became aware of Satan's tricks and all evil forces working on my daughter. I was given the Spiritual gift of discernment which was the guiding force in knowing what were actually the work of evil spirits. When the time came for us to go to Manila which was scheduled Jan. 03,1992, we went to the pier site to take the launch. As we alighted from the jeep, my sick daughter said, “I will not take this launch, I will take the flight will not take this launch. I will take the flight tomorrow.” After saying this, she ran as fast as she could and she was nowhere to be found. I went to my mother’s place and took a rest. After lunch, I decided to go to the Eucharistic Chapel for it was First Friday. After praying some of my verbal prayers, I was in ecstasy when I prayed the rosary. I did it slowly and formed the beads like a heart. When I reached the fourth mystery, I felt a magnetic force over my head and I was prompted to open my mouth and after that, when I prayed the “Our Father”, it was so fast as if my tongue was twirling and when I prayed the “Hail Mary” my lips moved so fast. I was aware I couldn’t do it that way had it not been for the Holy Spirit working in me. After that, I prostrated on the carpeted floor and offered my body to God then asked forgiveness for the sins of the world. When I stood up I thanked and praised the Lord for everything and everyone in my life. Then I went to my friend’s house and informed her sister that I was given a gift of tongue – a permanent gift called prayer in tongue. I requested my friend to buy two copies of the Lord of Pardon for me and for my sick daughter. I had to finish my remaining prayers while waiting for the Holy Mass to begin. After a while my friend handed me three copies instead of two, then she reminded me it was almost time for the Mass. I remained sitting instead of going to church. I could fee I was in agony. Then I stretched my arms and felt the labor pains then childbirth pains with my head raised up, I twisted my head and body. This activity was repeated with the different positions of my head. Head raised up, head bowed down, head inclined to the left and head inclined to the right. As I analyzed my head positions – up, down left, right was a sign of the cross. For every head position, the labor pains, childbirth pains twisting of my head and body were repeated twice. As if I had gone two child deliveries for every part of the cross summing up to eight in all. This portrayed the real number of my children. After this, I got the three booklets of the Lord of Pardon and formed them like a cross. Then I kissed the face of Jesus on every cover of the three prayer booklets representing God the Father, God the Son and the God the Holy Spirit. My body was so weak and needed to rest so I had to lie down. Suddenly my palms were opened and I felt like an iron bar at the back of my palms. Then moved to my lips rubbing them. The heaviness in my hand directed me what to do. Next to my lips, my eyes, my face, my head, my neck, shoulders, arms, body down to my legs and feet. After rubbing my whole body I went to the altar then praised and thanked God. I returned to my seat and asked my friend what she observed. She said the rubbing of my body was cleansing itself. Then I asked the Lord the meaning of the activity I had undergone I had undergone. I was prompted to use the Lord of Pardon as my reference. The agony, labor pains and childbirth I felt was the Sacred Passion of Christ. The rubbing of my whole body was the Purification. With all the sufferings, pains, persecutions, condemnations, crosses and trials I had undergone without complaints purified my soul. Purgation of the soul is movement toward perfection. It is in this perfection that the ninth level of prayer may be accomplished. That is, the Mystical Marriage.
Written 10/22- 24/00
PRAYER OF TRANSFORMING UNION – 9TH LEVEL
The living water that came from the depth of my being overflowed on my head then over flowed to my friend’s house. This happened when I told her that the blessings in me would overflow to her, so she should not worry and fear. I didn’t know it would happen to her that way. My words came from God and God Himself did it. This was the Gift of Prophecy wherein I uttered words that would really happen in a unique way.
Then I heard my soul crying like a child for every prayer I said. God also possessed my body anywhere He wanted to and I had to submit. I was in ecstasy that time and my body was supported like iron bars so I would not fall. I pleaded to God to possess me privately in my room because people would never understand. Besides the sticking of the crucifix under my left ring finger whenever I pray the rosary, I could ask God questions answerable by yes or no. If the answer would be “yes” there would movement underneath my face, then would surface on my skin and would work on my eyebrows lifting them, enlarging my nostrils, moving my cheeks, forming my lips into a heart shape, opening my mouth and many other ways God wanted to do to me. If there would be no movement at all, the answer would be “no”. If I would like an answer in words, I simply pray and open the Bible to get a message. For example, I asked this question, “Is there evil in me as what others think of?” The answer was letter to the Philippians Chapter 1 Verses 12:25, “Christ is my life. I want you to know brothers and sisters that what has happened to me has served to advance the Gospel. Actually the whole praetorian guard and even those outside the palace know that I am in chains for Christ. Some it is true are moved by envy and want to challenge me, but others preach Christ with a good intention. I know that all this will be a grace for me because of your prayers and the helps given by the Spirit of Christ. I am hopeful even certain that I shall not be ashamed, I feel as assured as I have been at anytime that Christ will be exalted through my person, whether I live or die. For to me, to live is Christ and even death is profitable for me. But if I am to go on living, I should be able to enjoy fruitful labour. And because I am convinced of this, I know that I will stay and remain with you for our progress and happiness in the faith.
After responding my question, I asked a message for me and the answer came from John Chapter 14 Verses 13-17 and 27. “And everything that you ask in my name I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. And everything you ask in calling upon my Name. I will do. If you love me, you will keep my commandments and I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper to be with you forever. The spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him for He is with you and will be in you. Peace be with you and I give you my peace. Not as the world gives peace do I give it to you. Do not be troubled; do not be afraid.”
With so many things happening to me in my Spiritual life, I was given the Spiritual Gift of discernment which served as a guiding force in knowing the actual work of the evil spirits. I had the dialogue with Satan himself in person of my daughter even the rest of my children who were with me. I became aware even his subtle tactics working thru anybody.
I was also given the Gift of tongue called prayer in tongue which is permanent gift. I was even taught a melody for Hail Mary using it whenever we pray in the Cenacle and our prayers are doubled by singing it.
I also portrayed the Sacred passion of Christ by experiencing in agony labor pains and childbirth pains and the purification of my soul was made known to me.
For the level of transforming union, there is a unity of love and desire. The desire to suffer and the desire to be with God only. This is the Spiritual Marriage, the oneness with God. The willingness to suffer pain is a gift from God made manifest in the Spiritual Union.
Starting from the seventh level which is the prayer of Union I had theme songs with God entitled, “I’m Yours Lord, “ and “I love You Lord”. All love songs. I know were dedicated to Jesus changing or adding words.
I went to Manila together with my two children for a check-up after receiving the Gift of Tongue portraying of the Sacred Passion of Christ and the Purification.
My daughter was confined at the UST Hospital in a place called Community Center. I was the one interviewed regarding my observations I had for my daughter. When the psychiatrist asked question about myself. I presumed that I was also examined if I had a tendency to be out of my mind. The doctor was so impressed with the response and I gave him copies of my Testimonial letters.
In my third visit to the psychiatrist, he informed my brother who is also a doctor that there was nothing wrong with me because I was at peace. After a month my daughter was discharged from the hospital. I was able to make additional testimonial letters during my daughter’s confinement.
Upon our return to Virac, I started to share my spiritual experiences to my mother, brothers, sisters, relatives and friends. With all the gifts I received from God, I was prompted to join the Legion of Mary last September 28,1992, In the sharings I had I could feel there was a need of healing in the sense that some would ask me to touch and bless them. So when I went home, I asked God if He would make me an instrument to perform healings. Then I offered my body and my whole self. I asked God for a sign.
One day, when I got something from the freezer, my right hand felt numbness as if my right hand was boneless then it was wrinkled. My hand kept on twisting, so I tried its strength by holding a brush while washing one piece of clothing. Then I got holy water and poured it on my hands and the wrinkles were gone. I was inspired by the Holy Spirit to list down negative feelings to be casted out. When I completed my prayer booklet which was my healing device. My body temperature went down from 37C to 34C. It was so cold inside my body, which made me sick because it was not the normal temperature. The mercury in the thermometer became red. The red color symbolizes the Precious Blood of Jesus transmitted to my body, during my healing session and poured together with its healing power to anybody I minister depending on their faith. As God prepared my body for healing, I suffered different pains. Some parts of my body became swollen even small wounds appeared then felt tightness on my skin. This happened one after the other. I was guided to drive away spirit of envy hindering my healing capacity. Then I felt current flowing all over my body. As time went by, my healing capacity increases as my suffering increases, too. With the body pains I endured, I could feel a cold tingling sensation inside my body like menthol. This is the healing balm. The flow of my healing is physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. My healing prayers are casting out works of evil spirits and my gift is not merely healing but performing miracle. Before healing, I noticed the dark lining under my breast. It was like a silver lining with added glow which became shinier and more oily. I asked God the meaning of this sign and it is called The breastplate of righteousness. If I had not reached purgation or purification, how could I drive or cast out evil’s work? The work of the evil ones was so intense in my daughter who was in Manila so my brother had to submit her again in the Community Center for her second confinement. The evil ones were so tricky so I could not touch my daughter with the healing power I had. It was not time for me to conquer them.
In the third attack of the evil ones, my daughter was in Virac. Added persecutions, condemnations and sufferings I still had to undergo for the increment of my healing power. I wasn’t convinced by my brother to confine her in Cadlan I asked the Lord’s guidance on what to do. I was prompted to ask support from my brother in building a concrete room apart from us, so I could touch her and it is for her safety not to roam around. I patiently prepare her food and delivered all what she needed everyday, besides touching, counseling and nourishing her spiritually. For almost 3 ½ years the evil spirits were little by little conquered and the triumph of the Blessed Mother made manifest. Now my daughter had recovered fully without taking any medicine at all she had cooperated and submitted to the Divine Healing I was giving.
After my daughter’s recovery, I still had to undergo sufferings for the increment of my healing power. Another additional highlight was the recover of my youngest handicapped son who was lost for more than six months in Manila. I didn’t waste my time, money and effort in searching for him. I entrusted my son to God and considered of a lost child. I didn’t fear. I had been strong and courageous to win the battle. My trust in the Lord was full that my son would be able to return back safe and sound. I didn’t lose hope. Behind the scene was the joy I felt because I did it out of love and for God’s sake. If I had not reached the espousal love, I would do it otherwise.
With all the trials I had undergone some would say why I didn’t marry the second time around so I would have somebody’s shoulders to cry on. I just smiled because they wouldn’t understand that my brother spouse is Jesus who is far more better than what they got, one who would never betray me and with a live beyond compare.
A person at this level lives from day to day enjoying the joy and sorrows of a life with God though on earth. To raise to this level takes a great amount of fortitude and virtue. God’s way is to increase the number of sorrows in order to demonstrate His greatest love on your virtue, on our holiness. It depends on your state of life. It depends on your willingness to do all for God and in God and with God. It depends on your gifts from God. It depends on what God wants for you.
I give God Praise, Honor, Glory and Thanksgiving each day for all He did in me. May He always be Praised!
Written: 10/30 -31/00
Then I heard my soul crying like a child for every prayer I said. God also possessed my body anywhere He wanted to and I had to submit. I was in ecstasy that time and my body was supported like iron bars so I would not fall. I pleaded to God to possess me privately in my room because people would never understand. Besides the sticking of the crucifix under my left ring finger whenever I pray the rosary, I could ask God questions answerable by yes or no. If the answer would be “yes” there would movement underneath my face, then would surface on my skin and would work on my eyebrows lifting them, enlarging my nostrils, moving my cheeks, forming my lips into a heart shape, opening my mouth and many other ways God wanted to do to me. If there would be no movement at all, the answer would be “no”. If I would like an answer in words, I simply pray and open the Bible to get a message. For example, I asked this question, “Is there evil in me as what others think of?” The answer was letter to the Philippians Chapter 1 Verses 12:25, “Christ is my life. I want you to know brothers and sisters that what has happened to me has served to advance the Gospel. Actually the whole praetorian guard and even those outside the palace know that I am in chains for Christ. Some it is true are moved by envy and want to challenge me, but others preach Christ with a good intention. I know that all this will be a grace for me because of your prayers and the helps given by the Spirit of Christ. I am hopeful even certain that I shall not be ashamed, I feel as assured as I have been at anytime that Christ will be exalted through my person, whether I live or die. For to me, to live is Christ and even death is profitable for me. But if I am to go on living, I should be able to enjoy fruitful labour. And because I am convinced of this, I know that I will stay and remain with you for our progress and happiness in the faith.
After responding my question, I asked a message for me and the answer came from John Chapter 14 Verses 13-17 and 27. “And everything that you ask in my name I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. And everything you ask in calling upon my Name. I will do. If you love me, you will keep my commandments and I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper to be with you forever. The spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him for He is with you and will be in you. Peace be with you and I give you my peace. Not as the world gives peace do I give it to you. Do not be troubled; do not be afraid.”
With so many things happening to me in my Spiritual life, I was given the Spiritual Gift of discernment which served as a guiding force in knowing the actual work of the evil spirits. I had the dialogue with Satan himself in person of my daughter even the rest of my children who were with me. I became aware even his subtle tactics working thru anybody.
I was also given the Gift of tongue called prayer in tongue which is permanent gift. I was even taught a melody for Hail Mary using it whenever we pray in the Cenacle and our prayers are doubled by singing it.
I also portrayed the Sacred passion of Christ by experiencing in agony labor pains and childbirth pains and the purification of my soul was made known to me.
For the level of transforming union, there is a unity of love and desire. The desire to suffer and the desire to be with God only. This is the Spiritual Marriage, the oneness with God. The willingness to suffer pain is a gift from God made manifest in the Spiritual Union.
Starting from the seventh level which is the prayer of Union I had theme songs with God entitled, “I’m Yours Lord, “ and “I love You Lord”. All love songs. I know were dedicated to Jesus changing or adding words.
I went to Manila together with my two children for a check-up after receiving the Gift of Tongue portraying of the Sacred Passion of Christ and the Purification.
My daughter was confined at the UST Hospital in a place called Community Center. I was the one interviewed regarding my observations I had for my daughter. When the psychiatrist asked question about myself. I presumed that I was also examined if I had a tendency to be out of my mind. The doctor was so impressed with the response and I gave him copies of my Testimonial letters.
In my third visit to the psychiatrist, he informed my brother who is also a doctor that there was nothing wrong with me because I was at peace. After a month my daughter was discharged from the hospital. I was able to make additional testimonial letters during my daughter’s confinement.
Upon our return to Virac, I started to share my spiritual experiences to my mother, brothers, sisters, relatives and friends. With all the gifts I received from God, I was prompted to join the Legion of Mary last September 28,1992, In the sharings I had I could feel there was a need of healing in the sense that some would ask me to touch and bless them. So when I went home, I asked God if He would make me an instrument to perform healings. Then I offered my body and my whole self. I asked God for a sign.
One day, when I got something from the freezer, my right hand felt numbness as if my right hand was boneless then it was wrinkled. My hand kept on twisting, so I tried its strength by holding a brush while washing one piece of clothing. Then I got holy water and poured it on my hands and the wrinkles were gone. I was inspired by the Holy Spirit to list down negative feelings to be casted out. When I completed my prayer booklet which was my healing device. My body temperature went down from 37C to 34C. It was so cold inside my body, which made me sick because it was not the normal temperature. The mercury in the thermometer became red. The red color symbolizes the Precious Blood of Jesus transmitted to my body, during my healing session and poured together with its healing power to anybody I minister depending on their faith. As God prepared my body for healing, I suffered different pains. Some parts of my body became swollen even small wounds appeared then felt tightness on my skin. This happened one after the other. I was guided to drive away spirit of envy hindering my healing capacity. Then I felt current flowing all over my body. As time went by, my healing capacity increases as my suffering increases, too. With the body pains I endured, I could feel a cold tingling sensation inside my body like menthol. This is the healing balm. The flow of my healing is physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. My healing prayers are casting out works of evil spirits and my gift is not merely healing but performing miracle. Before healing, I noticed the dark lining under my breast. It was like a silver lining with added glow which became shinier and more oily. I asked God the meaning of this sign and it is called The breastplate of righteousness. If I had not reached purgation or purification, how could I drive or cast out evil’s work? The work of the evil ones was so intense in my daughter who was in Manila so my brother had to submit her again in the Community Center for her second confinement. The evil ones were so tricky so I could not touch my daughter with the healing power I had. It was not time for me to conquer them.
In the third attack of the evil ones, my daughter was in Virac. Added persecutions, condemnations and sufferings I still had to undergo for the increment of my healing power. I wasn’t convinced by my brother to confine her in Cadlan I asked the Lord’s guidance on what to do. I was prompted to ask support from my brother in building a concrete room apart from us, so I could touch her and it is for her safety not to roam around. I patiently prepare her food and delivered all what she needed everyday, besides touching, counseling and nourishing her spiritually. For almost 3 ½ years the evil spirits were little by little conquered and the triumph of the Blessed Mother made manifest. Now my daughter had recovered fully without taking any medicine at all she had cooperated and submitted to the Divine Healing I was giving.
After my daughter’s recovery, I still had to undergo sufferings for the increment of my healing power. Another additional highlight was the recover of my youngest handicapped son who was lost for more than six months in Manila. I didn’t waste my time, money and effort in searching for him. I entrusted my son to God and considered of a lost child. I didn’t fear. I had been strong and courageous to win the battle. My trust in the Lord was full that my son would be able to return back safe and sound. I didn’t lose hope. Behind the scene was the joy I felt because I did it out of love and for God’s sake. If I had not reached the espousal love, I would do it otherwise.
With all the trials I had undergone some would say why I didn’t marry the second time around so I would have somebody’s shoulders to cry on. I just smiled because they wouldn’t understand that my brother spouse is Jesus who is far more better than what they got, one who would never betray me and with a live beyond compare.
A person at this level lives from day to day enjoying the joy and sorrows of a life with God though on earth. To raise to this level takes a great amount of fortitude and virtue. God’s way is to increase the number of sorrows in order to demonstrate His greatest love on your virtue, on our holiness. It depends on your state of life. It depends on your willingness to do all for God and in God and with God. It depends on your gifts from God. It depends on what God wants for you.
I give God Praise, Honor, Glory and Thanksgiving each day for all He did in me. May He always be Praised!
Written: 10/30 -31/00
MY SUFFERINGS
My brothers and sisters in Christ, I bring you the Good News of the Lord being a witness of Christ’s sufferings on the cross and a witness of His love and mercy. My life is patterned in the life of Jesus in the manner of carrying all the crosses victoriously without complaints and without questioning God. My suffering lasted for 40 years then unification and baptism of the Holy Spirit took place. I had passed all the tests in the form of trial s in my everyday life.
My sufferings started from childhood under the hands of my mother who was so indifferent to me although I haven’t wronged her. She treated me this way in the absence of my father and brothers. Indifference is the opposite of love and my mother nurtured this in her heart unknowingly. Negative feelings did not haunt and conquer my being like hatred, insecurities, self pity and resentments. Silently and patiently, I endured the pains. I consoled myself instead and accepted calmly what were happening to me. I couldn’t deny the fact that she’s my mother and I couldn’t escape from that truth so I have to face the reality and accept that she’s the kind of mother God gave me. I have no power to change her. In return I highly esteemed her bearing in mind the sacrifices and hardships of being a mother and I pitied her instead of myself.
Another stage of sufferings were during my married life under the hands of my husband who was a rejected suitor of mine yet he became my husband. It was God’s plan for me to carry more crosses and He was the one who chose my husband who was engaged in all forms of vices. I could bear the pains because of the gift of serenity God endowed me by accepting things I cannot change. I practiced self-denial and detachment in our relationship yet I have to submit as a wife following God’s teaching that no man can break our marriage vow. Deep in my heart I always understand him, that as a person, he was weak in fighting evil forces that’s why I could forgive him for every shortcomings and faults he did.
After my husband’s death, my sufferings blossomed and continued under the hands of my daughter who was possessed by evil spirits which was the hardest stage. All kinds of evil spirits enveloped my daughter’s being which caused public scandal and great disturbance. I had suffered humiliation, condemnation and persecution from our relatives, neighborhood, place of work and the community as whole, In this stage many extraordinary things were happening to me which made me strong and triumphant in the spiritual warfare.
My sufferings purified my soul which led me to spiritual growth until reaching fulfillment.
By: Nemia T. Revelar
FAREWELL MESSAGE
(Retirement from the Gov’t Service Effective June 1,1995)
I would like to open some chapters of my life with regards to service. I had served the government for 28 years, 3 years in Manila as a Grade II teacher then 13 years at DECS, Division Office and finally at Virac Pilot School for 12 years.
My teaching experiences may not be as rich as many of you but I had served my level best. I always bear in mind that God was the One rating my performance, who could see me in everything I do. He knows what was in my heart and mind and above all the love and concern I shared to the unlovable pupils, the poor, the needy and the sick.
There were many contributing factors that could not be rated by an observing superior especially those coming from within and radiates more when there is no observer.
In my first 5 years in this school, God inspired me so much that’s why I was able to face challenges and made a name as a teacher.
As years went on, I had undergone trials which changed my life a lot, I had to suffer, to deny myself, to detach from worldly honors and material things. All the pains, hurts, sacrifices were sufferings for every cross I had embraced with love and patience even to the extent of having been condemned by many. All of these were blessings in disguise and part of God’s discipline which polished the virtues within me leading to my spiritual growth.
In behalf of those who were still wondering why I had chosen to separate from the gov’t service early, I had to take this opportunity to give enlightenment.
In the first place, I have to follow God’s plan. His will be done not mine. My faith in God is no longer like a mustard seed but it had penetrated so deep within me and had grown sturdy and now bearing fruits already. The fruits I am referring to are the Gifts of the Holy Spirit like the Gift of Healing, Gift of Tongue(Prayer in tongue), Gift of Discernment, Gift of Interpretation and Gift of Prophecy.
These gifts given to me by the Holy Spirit made me strong to face any consequence that might happen. Fear has no longer a chance to envelop my being. I am not afraid to lose my job, my possessions, my loved ones and even to face death. What I only fear is to commit a grievous sin and lose the friendship of God.
There were many extraordinary things happening in me and because of these, I had decided to set myself free from the four walls of my classroom. Yes, teaching profession is a mission, but I had to leave for a higher mission. I had to go preach and heal. I had to reach out the poor, the needy, the sick, the unloved, those in agony and pain and those needing inner healing.
For the expansion of my healing service and meeting more number of people in all walks of life, retiring from the government is the best for me and I had no regret.
Though I’m no longer a part of this school, all teachers and school administrators occupy a big part in my heart because spiritually, I’m with you everyday during my intercessory prayers, petitions and special requests intended for all of you.
Thank you for lending me your ears and God bless you.
(Delivered 12/14/1995)
By: NEMIA T. REVELAR
I would like to open some chapters of my life with regards to service. I had served the government for 28 years, 3 years in Manila as a Grade II teacher then 13 years at DECS, Division Office and finally at Virac Pilot School for 12 years.
My teaching experiences may not be as rich as many of you but I had served my level best. I always bear in mind that God was the One rating my performance, who could see me in everything I do. He knows what was in my heart and mind and above all the love and concern I shared to the unlovable pupils, the poor, the needy and the sick.
There were many contributing factors that could not be rated by an observing superior especially those coming from within and radiates more when there is no observer.
In my first 5 years in this school, God inspired me so much that’s why I was able to face challenges and made a name as a teacher.
As years went on, I had undergone trials which changed my life a lot, I had to suffer, to deny myself, to detach from worldly honors and material things. All the pains, hurts, sacrifices were sufferings for every cross I had embraced with love and patience even to the extent of having been condemned by many. All of these were blessings in disguise and part of God’s discipline which polished the virtues within me leading to my spiritual growth.
In behalf of those who were still wondering why I had chosen to separate from the gov’t service early, I had to take this opportunity to give enlightenment.
In the first place, I have to follow God’s plan. His will be done not mine. My faith in God is no longer like a mustard seed but it had penetrated so deep within me and had grown sturdy and now bearing fruits already. The fruits I am referring to are the Gifts of the Holy Spirit like the Gift of Healing, Gift of Tongue(Prayer in tongue), Gift of Discernment, Gift of Interpretation and Gift of Prophecy.
These gifts given to me by the Holy Spirit made me strong to face any consequence that might happen. Fear has no longer a chance to envelop my being. I am not afraid to lose my job, my possessions, my loved ones and even to face death. What I only fear is to commit a grievous sin and lose the friendship of God.
There were many extraordinary things happening in me and because of these, I had decided to set myself free from the four walls of my classroom. Yes, teaching profession is a mission, but I had to leave for a higher mission. I had to go preach and heal. I had to reach out the poor, the needy, the sick, the unloved, those in agony and pain and those needing inner healing.
For the expansion of my healing service and meeting more number of people in all walks of life, retiring from the government is the best for me and I had no regret.
Though I’m no longer a part of this school, all teachers and school administrators occupy a big part in my heart because spiritually, I’m with you everyday during my intercessory prayers, petitions and special requests intended for all of you.
Thank you for lending me your ears and God bless you.
(Delivered 12/14/1995)
By: NEMIA T. REVELAR